“Chew! Chew! Chew”
“Slurp! Slurp! Slurp!”
JUST SHUT THE F**K UP!!!!!!
That’s what I want to say whenever I hear someone chewing. Be it in the train, or a classroom, or at home, I just want to push them away and shut the sound out.
I don’t know when this started and I felt weird. As if something’s wrong with me. I felt lonely. I didn’t even know the name for what I was suffering from. Finally, after years of suffering, I discovered the name. I found out the symptoms. It was a disorder called ‘misophonia’, meaning ‘hatred of sound’ – not hatred of all the sounds, but, just particular sound/sounds.
I tried researching if whether it can be diagnosed. But, to my misfortune, there wasn’t any way to diagnose it. I just lived with for years, still trying to find a solution. But, every time I hear those annoying sounds. I just want to shout and scream at them to shut up or just push them away.
The only solution I got out of my research was to hold it in and try my best to ignore. But, then again, how much can I hold it in? Sooner or later, I am bound to burst and take my anger out on someone. And that has happened countless times.
Another solution was to talk to my family members and explain them the situation. How do I explain to them and their son is suffering from some psychological disorder? And, what’s worse, is when I talked to my brother, he just brushed it off as nothing and that I just wanted attention. So, who can say that my other family members won’t do the same?
Of course, this doesn’t stop only till getting just annoyed, but it also triggers some or the other unpleasant memory. So, unpleasant that I just want to run away and isolate myself.
I just want to escape it.
All I want is for people to know that there may be many suffering from this and to cooperate with them. I just want to be understood and not laughed at or be disappointed at.