From Spinsterhood to Married Life

It’s pretty normal for girls to dream about their “destination wedding”. Sometimes, girls marry in a rush seeing their peers getting married, while some stumble to societal pressures. What happens after marriage inter alia is the reality that breaks our dream’s bubbles.

In-laws and daughter-in-laws take time to get along. Some manage it beautifully, while some just take their own time. Fights occur, the dream husband, the romance, the candle-lit dinners all vanish after a few months into the marriage. It’s been almost a year since my sister got married, and the changes I got to see in her shocked me & made me proud of her at the same time. For instance, she happened to be “the laziest chick” I have ever seen. She would do things that amused her at her own pace not realizing how much other people had to put up to it. But, now I get lectures on how slow I am to get things done. (sic) Kitchen- a place she shuddered to enter became her invention platform at her husband’s and her abode. Styling & dressing, a hobby that she still pursues used to be her the most time consuming affair, but now the amount of time used for the same has now reduced considerably.

Sometimes, husbands bring about a positive and a negative change in their spouses. So, one positive change I can talk about is that she reads about the current affairs now and is no more ignorant of latest technologies. For example, she was averse to the idea of using Google maps, but now Google maps have become very much a part of her travels as she zips in and out of Mumbai on her scooty. One of the negative changes which sometimes gets on my nerves is her developing OCD. Depending on her mood swings, even a drop of juice on the floor might make her crazy. You may get to experience differences in opinion from your husband or his circle of relatives, but that shouldn’t deter you from shrugging off your responsibilities. Keep yourself light-hearted and take it sportingly. Burdening yourself might often lead to building of stress and an unsuccessful marriage. Sometimes, things would be made to be done by mere force, it might be distressing at times but just gulp it down and do it happily. Your piety is your one way of escape, it will either help you relax or take your mind off. Being pious, may not be the coolest thing these days, but what’s the harm in trying? If you feel otherwise, you have Google/Youtube/Facebook to the rescue.

The key to a successful marriage is never known. The keyhole can only be unlocked through willingness to find the key yourself. For starters, imbibe oneself with lots of patience, understanding and forgiveness. From being a daddy’s little girl to being a bahu of a household can be indeed challenging and depressing at times. However, the actual success lies in loving your in-laws and your husband in spite of their short comings. If you excel, you have mastered one of the greatest virtues: “Love conquers all”, and that becomes the first step towards joining motherhood- a spinster’s most joyful dream.

Wedding- a spinster’s dream is something depicted beautifully in movies, but have we spinsters ever given us a reality check and looked through the actual troubles that married woman face every day? Let’s take a look…

 

 

A/n: These experiences have been experienced on a personal level and might differ on a subjective basis.

P.S.: For all those further interested in reading a classic novel on these after marriage drama’s kindly grab a copy of Veena Venugopal’s book Mother-in-law: The other woman in your marriage.

– The Change Maker

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